.Publisher's Note: The complying with is actually the content of a character from Expedition Three Leader Frank L. Culbertson (Leader, USN Resigned), reassessing the occasions of September 11.September 12, 2001 7:34 p.m.I have not written very much about specifics of this particular mission during the course of the month I have actually been right here, mainly for 2 factors: the very first being that there has actually been actually quite little opportunity to accomplish that type of writing, and secondly because I am actually unsure exactly how relaxed I am actually discussing notions I show family and friends along with the rest of the globe.Well, clearly the world altered today. What I mention or even do is actually extremely small reviewed to the implication of what took place to our country today when it was assaulted through ... by whom? Revolutionaries is actually all we understand, I think. Difficult to recognize at whom to direct our anger and fear ...I had only finished a number of activities this morning, one of the most time-consuming being the physical examinations of all team members. In an exclusive conversation adhering to that, the air travel specialist told me they were having a very negative day on the ground. I possessed no idea ...He described the circumstance to me as ideal he knew it at ~ 0900 CDT. I was amazed, after that frightened. My 1st thought was that this wasn't a genuine discussion, that I was actually still listening closely to one of my Tom Clancy tapes. It merely really did not seem feasible on this scale in our country. I couldn't even envision the particulars, also prior to the news of further damage started coming in.Vladimir came rather swiftly, picking up that something quite major was actually being actually discussed. I waved Michael into the component too. They were additionally astonished as well as stunned. After our experts authorized off, I tried to clarify to Vladimir and Michael as finest I can the potential immensity of this particular act of horror in midtown New york as well as at the Government. They precisely knew and were actually incredibly considerate.I eyed the Planet Map on the personal computer to see where over the planet our company were actually and discovered that our team were coming southeast away from Canada and also would certainly be passing over New England in a few moments. I whized around the terminal until I located a window that would provide me a perspective of New York City and ordered the closest video camera. It took place to be a video camera, and also I was actually looking south from the home window of Michael's cabin.The smoke seemed to have a weird flower to it at the bottom of the pillar that was streaming south of the metropolitan area. After reviewing among the news articles our team simply got, I think our experts were looking at NY around the amount of time of, or even quickly after, the failure of the second tower. How terrible ...I swung the camera during the East Coastline to the south to observe if I could possibly view every other smoke around Washington, or anywhere else, but absolutely nothing was visible.It was rather challenging to think of job after that, though our team possessed some to do, but on the next track our experts traversed the United States further south. All 3 of us were working one or two cams to make an effort to receive scenery of New york city or even Washington. There was fog over Washington, yet no specific source can be seen. All of it looked astonishing coming from 2 to 3 hundred miles away. I can't imagine the unfortunate scenes on the ground.Other than the psychological influence of our country being tackled as well as countless our residents and also maybe some good friends being eliminated, the absolute most difficult sensation being actually where I am is just one of solitude.Following time ... I presume the exhaustion and also psychological pressure acquired the very best of me. I could not keep awake as well as continue to create. Today was actually still challenging, however we began receiving even more relevant information, plus our experts possessed the tribute of speaking straight along with the Facility Supervisor, Roy Estess, who guaranteed our team that the ground teams would certainly remain to operate and guarantee our safety, along with the risk-free function of the Place. We additionally learnt through our Manager, Mr. Goldin, who added that the companions in the System are all entirely devoted to proceeding safe procedures as well as support. These were never ever inquiries for me. I know all these people! The ground crews have actually been actually incredibly supportive, very understanding of the impact of the updates, as well as have made an effort to become as practical as feasible. They have actually all been actually very professional and centered though I can't picture the diversion of this sort of news coming in and the thought and feelings that federal government properties may be in danger. They never bypassed a beat, also when transferring control centers. And a team of senior workers as well as pals offered our team a quite in depth briefing on what was actually known and what was actually being actually done in the government as well as at NASA on Tuesday afternoon, which was actually really practical and type of them to do in the midst of all the turmoil. The Russian TsUP has also been actually encouraging and also helpful, attempting to uplink news articles when our very own resources were inoperable, as well as saying kind terms ...My crewmates have actually been actually fantastic, also. They know it's been a difficult time for me and also the folks on the ground, and they have actually tried to become as even keeled and helpful as achievable. Michael also corrected me my preferred Borscht soup for supper. And they offer me lots of room to assume when I required it. They are quite thoughtful and naturally shocked at whoever would certainly do this.I know many folks in Washington, many individuals who take a trip to DC as well as New York City, many who are flies, that I really felt certain I would certainly get a minimum of a few items of trouble over the following couple of times. I acquired the first one today when I discovered that the Leader of the American Airlines jet that attacked the Government was actually Chic Burlingame, a friend of mine. I encountered Chic during the course of plebe summer months when our company were in the D&B all together, and also our team possessed bunches of lessons all together. I can't picture what he needs to of looked at, as well as right now I hear that he might have risen better than our company may even think about by possibly stopping his airplane coming from being the one to tackle the White Home. What an awful loss, but I'm sure Chic was combating bravely to the end. And also splits don't move the very same in space ...It is actually hard to define how it experiences to become the only American totally off the earth at once including this. The emotion that I ought to exist along with each one of you, taking care of this, assisting in some way, is actually overwhelming. I understand that we are on the limit (or past) of a horrible change in the past of the world. Numerous factors will certainly never be the same once again after September 11, 2001. Not just for the manies thousand and also 1000s of people directly affected by these horrible acts of violence, yet perhaps for everybody. Our company are going to locate ourselves feeling differently about dozens of traits, consisting of most likely area exploration, unfortunately.It is actually unpleasant to find smoke putting coming from cuts in your own nation from such an awesome point of view. The duality of being on a spacecraft devoted to boosting everyday life on the planet and watching life being ruined through such willful, horrendous process is actually jolting to the subconscious, despite that you are. And also the knowledge that whatever are going to be actually various than when our company introduced by the opportunity our team land is a little disconcerting. I have confidence in our nation as well as in our leadership that our company are going to perform everything feasible to better guard her and our family members, as well as to deliver justice of what has actually been actually carried out. I have peace of mind that the really good individuals at NASA will perform everything essential to proceed our objective securely as well as return our company safely at the correct time. And also I skip all of you significantly. I can not exist with you face to face, as well as our experts have a very long way to go to accomplish our mission, yet be actually certain that my soul is actually with you, as well as recognize you reside in my requests.Humbly, Frank.September 14, 2001 10:49 p.m. An upgrade to the last character ... Luckily, it is actually been a hectic full week up below. And also to prove that, like our nation, our company are actually advancing our desired pathway along with company as usual (as high as feasible). Tonight the latest enhancement to the station, the Russian Docking Chamber will definitely be actually introduced coming from Baikonur, Kazakhstan. On Sunday evening (United States opportunity), it is going to dock along with our company, at a slot never ever used prior to on the nadir side of the Company Component. This new module is going to give us one more spot to dock a Development or Soyuz and are going to give a big airlock with 2 useable hatches for carrying out EVA's in Russian Orlan satisfies, which our team will carry out a few of just before our experts get back.The complication prior to in coping with recently was actually insufficient information. The concern now is actually way too much. It arrived at one time when e-mail was actually brought back, as well as there's not nearly enough time to review everything! Plus it's as well tough to cope with all of it immediately. But I value obtaining it, as well as I truly value the wonderful letters of assistance and companionship I am obtaining.Our experts are actually succeeding on board, getting our job done, as well as speaking about traits. Last night our experts possessed a lengthy dialogue over dinner about the significance of these activities, the feasible activities to follow, as well as what should be done. After supper, Michael made a point of telling me that every e-mail he got from friends in Russia claimed exclusively to tell me exactly how regretful they were actually that this occurred, extending their condolences, as well as talking to just how I was doing. Vladimir educated me the Russian term for "condolences" after talking with the previous CDR, Yuri Usachev, on the phone in Celebrity City. (Both the Russian and also the English phrases are considerably very lengthy to articulate quickly.) Incredibly kind folks.For the final pair of days, the Russian MCC has sufficed to transfer online shows of radio news about the occasion as well as connected accounts, to ensure I was actually effectively updated. Every professional that has actually begun the line to cover a treatment or an issue contends some point expanded hellos to me along with kind words. Tonight the Russian capcom informed our company that as a result of the wedding of recognition in the US, all the time individuals had been actually bringing florals and lining all the wall structures of the US embassy in Moscow, as well as this night they were igniting candlesticks in the road outside the consulate. How the world has modified.Folks just about everywhere seem to recognize the senselessness as well as horror in this strike. And the enormous loss. Moscow has handled these sort of issues in the final couple of years along with flat as well as subway bombings, so they are as troubled to remove this risk as our team are actually. However all-time low line is that there are actually good people everywhere who desire to stay in calmness. I review that a little one talked to, "America is actually so excellent to other countries, we always help everyone, how can they despise our team so much?".I hope the instance of cooperation as well as count on that this space probe and all individuals in the system show daily are going to one day inspire the remainder of the globe to operate the same way. They must!However, our company won't be piloting over the United States during the time individuals are lighting candle lights. Do not recognize if we might observe that anyhow. We carried out, nonetheless, see a very unique as well as gorgeous sight a couple of mins ago: the launch of our Docking Chamber on a Soyuz enhancer. Our company were overtaking it as well as it came into view about 3 moments after its launch from Baikonur as the sunlight attacked our station, so it was still in the dark. It appeared like a big comet along with a straight, broad tail silhouetted versus the darker earth beneath. In spite of some negative illumination for a while as the sun reached our window at a low position, I managed some online video of it as initially our team passed the spacecraft, and afterwards viewed it start to mesmerize as it acquired height and rate. I filmed till major engine cutoff and booster separation occurred equally our company approached dawn on the Himalayas. An unforgettable sight in an extraordinary full week ...Lifestyle goes on, also precede. We are actually listed below to keep ... Frank.